Final Destination Bloodlines

You slay me

I know it feels as though there’s been a never-ending stream of Final Destination movies over the last quarter-century, but in fact this is only the sixth installment. By way of comparison, the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise is up to nine theatrical features plus a 1988-90 TV series, while Friday the 13^th is up to a dozen plus a 1987-90 TV series. Yet ironically, Death him / her / itself — the one who literally comes for us all — is a relatively small-time player in the world of top-tier horror franchises … surprisingly, since Death personified has appeared in everything from Swedish historical dramas (The Seventh Seal, 1957) to farcical comedies (Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, 1991). And of course, there’s W. Somerset Maugham’s wryly morbid short story “Appointment in Samarra” (1933), which is basically the premise of Final Destination minus the film franchise’s elaborately Grand Guignol Rube Goldberg machinations.

Through it all, the moral remains the same: You can duck and weave all you want, but in the end, your preordained tete-a-tete with the Grim Reaper can only be postponed — maybe — but never wiped off your personal lifeline’s calendar. Your date with Mr. D is written in indelible ink and you can run all you want but you can’t hide.